Horror TV

I had some free nights to catch up on my TVing.

I think I’m officially burned out on post-apocalyptic thrillers that highlight the debasement of the human condition. I avoid ones that are outright rape-porn, I get it– society breaks down, women get fucked, literally and proverbially. If you’re making a movie where there’s been no law enforcement for quite some time, most of the hardcore douchebags are dead, so we can just stop with the whole forced breeder thing. It’s lazy writing, try harder. These movies are boring now because I know what’s going to happen. Isolated survivalist encounters another/other survivor(s), there’s tension, there’s cohesion, outsiders attack, they’re division in the ranks, outside attackers come back, one person survives. If it’s the original survivor, they typically save one other person, good or bad.

Been there, seen that. BTW, The Divide is a total shitfest. I didn’t make through the movie but the rape trope got old the minute it started–and what is it with all the bondage gear. I’m reminded of this brilliant exchange on tumblr:

tumblr_bondage

The only dystopic survivors whose struggles I care about are those of the Walking Dead. That’s the whole point of the show; the survivors are the walking dead – humanity evolves into something leaner and meaner emotionally. I see horror buffs get annoyed that Walking Dead isn’t gory enough…dudes, the comics, and the books are not about the zombies. I watch Z Nation for the zombie kills and the absolute WTFery the writers get up to; they have fun with the material, and that’s why it works for horror fans.

SyFy seems to have decided to forgo science fiction in the name of horror shows. A part of me is orgasmic, but I’m hoping this is a seasonal thing, and once spring and summer get here, the science fiction returns.

I won’t complain, right now SyFy is the only channel consistently releasing good horror television. I’m looking forward to Superstition because it appears to buck the voodoo trend associated with black supernatural horror. Every time there’s a horror movie with black folks in it, it’s always about voodoo–newsflash, there are as many Christian and Catholic people of color who fear all the weird demonic shit that Hollywood has told us is “Caucasian Satanism.”

Van Helsing came back on, and OMFG I genuinely dig this show, oddly enough, I can’t stand Wynona Earp, go figure. I gave Ghost Wars a chance and liked it because Vincent D’Onofrio is a proper priest this time instead of that shit-show rapist he tried to pull off in that last Ring movie fiasco.

ghostwars

Speaking of religious things, I’ve noticed that with the success of Preacher, there’s a bunch of new ‘holy-man in touch with heaven fight demons’ shows on the docket at channels where they’re going to fail. Sigh. Bring back Outcast, Cinemax USA (because I don’t think those things are demons…)

I’ve decided to forgo American Horror Story this year in favor of Channel Zero: No End House. The latter is by far the scarier show, and after watching it–I’ve no patience for AHS Cult.

I wanted to watch the new Star Trek Discovery. Unfortunately, CBS doesn’t offer enough programming on its app to make it worth what they’re asking a month. Add more of your old shows, and more of your recent shows and I might consider it. We don’t have cable; we have Sling, Netflix, and Amazon Prime – which brings me to my decision last week to cancel Shudder.

I loved Shudder, so much. Why did I cancel it? The new interface implemented last month is virtually unwatchable on my Roku Stick and my Roku Box. It lags, you can no longer search content, and it keeps trying to stream a show right as you login. That same streaming intro keeps coming back as you’re trying to navigate the slow gallery. I canceled and cited technical difficulties. What a shame.

Remember Chiller TV? It was supposed to be the shit cool horror and thriller channel until the cable and dish providers decided to hold it hostage to squeeze more tier cash of out its customer base.

See you next Sunday.

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