Dear Parents with Small Children: No Fucks Given

Where does the attitude come from regarding “Parents with Small Children” parking designations?

I suppose the people complaining or challenging the notion that there shouldn’t be special parking for people that breed too close together are the same shits that will park in these posted spots. Hey, it’s not the law, and you’re not putting anyone out because people with kids aren’t disabled and thus deserve no breaks.

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It’s not the law. It’s a courtesy.

If a business designates parking for Parents with Small Children, it’s because they want these folks to keep shopping even when it’s a massive pain in the ass to drag your kids everywhere. An establishment that chooses to put up these signs is parlaying the “it takes a village” mentality while enabling an established revenue stream.

Parenting isn’t easy, and yes, if you choose to be one then you know the risks to your time and sanity. Sometimes though, you just can’t find a sitter or have another parent available to watch the kids, but there are times when you need to run an errand, and you’ve only got two arms. One of those arms gets a baby carrier, that big bulky thing the law says you must have in your car before you can take the baby home. If you’ve got a toddler too, the sort of human no driver can see even if they’re driving vigilantly, well you’ll need more help because they can and will get away from you the minute you let them loose from the child seat.

Establishments offer to park to these folks near the front door because they want their market parents to get their kids safely past drivers arriving and exiting who prove time and again that they rarely drive safely. No one gives a damn about the 15 miles per hour posted, especially when they’re desperate to leave the mall. Even in the age of hands-free, many drivers continue to roll in one-handing it, phones in their ears as they haphazardly park while steering WIDE with that one free arm.

Don’t get me started on the dildos that feel the need to pull forward when they park.

Hi, parents, I need to pull up and encroach on whatever space you need to get more than one kid out of your car safely.

FYI: Rude drive-up encroaching is why handicapped and most parents-with-kids parking spots always have that one spot next to them that has a cement bulkhead between the opposing spaces!

Since my rant is going so well – let’s talk about pulling forward. I know it started with truck owners; we live in a land of trucks but still have parking lots scored with spaces the size of two-door sedans–but if you’re not in a truck, why the fuck do you pull forward? You too, minivan at the grocery store! This behavior blows my mind at Lowe’s, where nearly everyone comes there to buy shit that requires all-access maneuvering to load the car. Minivan people, you know your groceries get loaded in the back, so why willfully pull forward and allow another vehicle to park close enough to block easy access to your hatch?

nowords

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