So yeah, I found a brilliant web site that is all about Ken dolls and Ken doll fashions. Any way… I noticed that Mattel has decided that a Ken doll from Japan is naturally a ‘Samurai’. Adding insult to injury, his face looks like Tom Cruises face from that douchalicious film, The Last Samurai.
So uh… if I were going to buy a Ken doll to satisfy my American-fetish-for-a-foreign-culture (because obviously, these dolls are not made for the countries they represent), here’s what I want in a KEN DOLL OF JAPAN:
- Salary Man Ken: accessories include a diarama izakaya–for a night of beer, sashimi, and some serious nomunication!
- Hikikomori Ken: He doesn’t talk to his family or friends about his problems, will not seek professional help. Accessories include empty bedroom, with hotplate and laptop. Hoarded items to junk up room, sold separately!
- Herbivorous Ken: If you know anything about me or my comics work– I need not explain this one.
- Yakuza Ken comes with 5 lackeys (you name them!) to make a SixPack Set! Draw your own tats and wash off with warm water! Kids, get parents permission before drawing…
I think you get the picture… I won’t even go into ‘Host Ken’ or ‘Otaku Ken’, because it’s just too easy. I will, however, make a request, should Mattel ever get around to making Japanese Ken dolls that fit how we American cultural-fetishists actually see Japanese men, then I want to make a request:
I WANT A YASUNORI KATO KEN!
With Imperial Japanese Army costume and a readable copy of a Senji Ryakketsu!