I haven’t a blogged in a few days, so I thought I’d get some thoughts out before going into the bank today.
I spent Saturday with my son. We ran some errands, went to the mall, found some speakers for his new laptop [tired of him using mine!] and pick up my daughter’s honor roll present [I get her one every time she makes honor roll]: a Domo doll. I came home to find that my daughter was pissed at me – mainly because I went out with the boy while she was out with her dad—and now I wasn’t ready to head back out and drive her around. >_< Admittedly, I’m working every weekday until 6:30 – I get home around then. I get home, I eat dinner, I check emails, I shower, then it’s around 8 so I want to sit down and chill because I have to get up at 7 in the morning. Occasionally I’ll get two Saturdays off, but rarely – those are half-days, I’m home by 3; and even then…I need Saturday and Sunday to write. I must write. Sadly I have to balance that with spending time with my spouse, who also thinks I need to spend time with him–but isn’t as brutally vocal about it as my daughter.
I’ve scheduled an appearance at San Japan so that I could take my daughter and spend those days with her [I wont be talking or manning a table ALL Day] and so I was looking forward to that—yet I get home Saturday and I hear a blast of shit about how I make empty promises. 0_0. I don’t spend time with her anymore – we don’t go down to Lamar or into Austin anymore – we don’t hang out and do things anymore. It sucked to hear this because I haven’t spent time with my son in ages, and it was nice to give him some time on Saturday; I just never counted on my daughter resenting it. I don’t like feeling as if I’m letting her down.
On the flipside, I won’t be manipulated into making time for her that I don’t have. When I suggest we spend some time in the evenings together, I get shut down. That’s how I know it’s not about “us”, it’s about her – being entertained and getting what she wants. I’m forced to remind myself that despite her appearance, she’s still a kid. Her ego is still immature and of course it’s ‘all about her’. She knows deep down that I’m here for her if and when she needs me – just not in an ultra cool let’s go party sort of way.